It sure has been a while (266 lbs)

It sure has been a long time since I last posted. So many things have happened - hardly any of them good.

One very good and satisfying event happened in my life this past year. I completed my first triathlon in October, as a 38th birthday present to myself. There has never been anything I have been more proud of - as a personal accomplishment - in my life. I finished just behind my business partner and best friend, but we both finished behind a guy who was 77!

I did finish, though - which was HUGE. It was my first open water swim - which really made me nervous. I had to choke down panic a number of times to finish the swim. It made me feel better that at least ten guys called it quits in the first 250 meters of the swim. I didn't feel good for them, but I did feel good that I wasn't the only one who realized that Lake Anna is NOT the AMFAM or Woodlake pool. It's cold, and it's dark and it's really deep, and you are swimming 250 meters at a time, before you can call an accomplishment, like touching the buouy. It's not 25 yards, tap the wall, 25 yards, tap the wall....

I got out of the water and waited on my friend Satish - we had agreed to check in at each stage to see if we wanted to call it quits. I waited for him for 7 minutes, which did cut into my time, but I did need the break, and I was honestly concerned that Satish had to be pulled out by the rescue kayaks. But no - he made it and we decided to do the ride.

We kept on together for about 1/3 of the ride, but we got to a hill I couldn't manage (Satish and I were the only riders on mountain bikes - all others had road bikes), and Satish pulled ahead.

In the bike, I actually had the trailing official catch up with me, and while it was initially embarrassing, it was motivating, as he was listening to the radio pretty loud. That kept me going.

As I was pulling into the final stage - the run - I saw Satish running out of the gate, so I realized I could not quit, even though I really wanted to. I nearly fell off my bike, and started the trudge onward. I could barely move - my quads were so cramped, I could not walk straight. It was all I could do was keep moving forward so I wouldn't fall down.

One thing I discovered, though, was that everyone was so supportive and encouraging. Other competitors were shouting positive comments, which also really kept me going. I was scared of these tight bodies with their amazing equipment, but everyone was very nice.

One disappointing note - my wife and children did not come to the race. Even though I had signed up in April, so it was not a surprise or last second plan, my wife had planned a camping trip that weekend. And so, my children - who my wife complains never see me do anything but lie on the couch - were not able to see me complete the most important physical fitness goal of my life.

And that was the best thing that has happened to me this year. Let's go with the stuff that isn't so great. I'll just enumerate, as there are so many.

1: in November, I was walking down the stairs, and fell, breaking my ankle for the first time, although I wouldn't be officially diagnosed until later....
2: because of my ankle, I was not able to train, and my momentum from the triathlon was broken and....
3: I was put on a project that involved a lot of work in a short amount of time - while it paid a lot, it also meant frequently working 80+ hour weeks, even one week at 103 hours. This left me unable to work out much as well which resulted in...
4: I ballooned up to 278 lbs - the fattest I have ever been.
5: In January, I fell crossing Hull Street, and injured my same ankle. I went to the Ortho On Call and was diagnoses with a severe high ankle sprain and fracture - my tendons torn off the bone, stripping the bone off my tibia.
6: I had to go through weeks of physical therapy, which, while not too painful (think - a $30 spa treatment) but was very time consuming.
7: I was removed from my role as manager of the Manufacturing team, which while I didn't enjoy it, it was stable. I was given a role as lead for a short term project - 5 months.
8: My company lost a major contract opportunity this week - while it doesn't put my job immediately at risk, I am pressuring myself to move on.
9: Our dog of almost 17 years had to be put down - he had cancer and was losing weight, and started throwing up internal things that I will not mention here. We got to hold him as he fell asleep for the last time.
10: I realized my wife of nearly 15 years is no longer wearing our wedding ring. My heart has never been so broken. I am completely clueless as to what to do now. Do I even want to save this, or move on and try to be happy withut my family? I am not sure how I can, without my children.

I am coming to a realization that I want to be happy in the moment, and need to stop worrying about the future. I need to enjoy moments with my children - teaching them things, reading to them, spending time with them, and I need to stop worrying about work, or retirement, or anything like that. That will all fall into place, and is only the means to have money for things that will keep other things at bay (mortgage, food, etc) and are not the be all and end all of my existence. Mid life crisis? maybe.

I went to two doctors I have been putting off for a long time. I went to a dermatologist, who removed ugly growths on my shoulders, back, eyes, and cheek. While very painful, it will make me feel better about taking off my shirt - even though I am fat, at least I just look fat, and not fat and with ugly growths on me.

The other doctor I went to was a family doctor, to have a physical - and while I have not yet received the results of the blood tests, the doctor told me what I knew already - I don't have high blood pressure, but it's not low either and needs to be watched, and I am TOO FAT. Surprised? neither was I. However, I got the doctor to prescribe me phenedrine, which is one of the ingredience in phen-fen or fen-phen or whatever. It's making we a little wiggy, but it's doing an amazing job of keeping my appetite at bay - I get full so fast now.

While I am mildly excited to have recently lost 12 lbs, I know that this is a minor victory only, as I had never even gone as high as 270 lbs before this past winter, and am only just below that now. My first major goal is 250 lbs. Even that isn't very special, as I was 250 as recently as the triathlon. Oh well, a bunch of small victories can result in a larger victory, I hope.

That was my year in a nutshell. One thing to be very proud of, and many things I need to work on, or would like to forget.