It's been a long, hard week. I am a little unnerved about the weekend, as it is going to be super busy, but it will be better than being at work, I suppose.
This weekend we have our first marriage counseling session in about a year, and with a new counselor. The last one, we stopped going to, because Nancy thought he was defending me and making her look like the villain. I am not sure if she would feel better if she felt I was more the villain, or that we both needed to work on our issues, or what. I guess that is why we really need a counselor.
I found a woman counselor, who is close. That helps with child issues, as we can leave the older ones to babysit the younger ones without any concern, as we could be home in a matter of minutes. I am hoping the fact that it's a woman, that Nancy will bond more with her. I honestly don't care if she decides to villainize me, as long as we can get to some of the root issues that are affecting our relationship. I have been more honest lately, because I really have nothing left to lose. I have brought up my core problems with our relationship as I see them, and why I have retreated to surfing the web, or whatever it is I do, rather than spend time with her. She doesn't understand that the approach to handling a problem and the problem's solution are two different things, and while I have enjoyed the outcome, the approach left me hurt and used and angry, and that has never been addressed because I was hesitant to bring up the issue. So, maybe a counselor could help. We're so distant now, it couldn't hurt. I am at the point now, that if I experienced a location-changing event, I wouldn't know if a: my family would move with me, or b: I would want her to come with me. Of course I would welcome and want my kids to come, but I have to be realistic about what happens in a separation.
Weight loss is going so well! I am down 15 lbs now, from 278 to 263. However, I have 13 lbs to go to even reach the weight I was for the triathlon last October. I really let myself go this past winter. I never want to do that again.
The pill I am on really crushes my apetitite. My son had to finish a turkey burger I ordered at Johnny Rockets on Wednesday. I haven't left things on my plate in 25 years! My family growing up was really big into the clean plate club - so even if it was more food than you wanted, you had to finish it. I don't like to blame anyone but myself for my eating issues, but I can definitely see where I started to go wrong, and where I revert back to when I am stressed, or lazy.
But back to the pill. I always sneeze when I get full. It has always been a sign for me to stop eating. Unfortunately, I think it has historically kicked in late, after I am satiated. Yesterday, I ate half a normal sized turkey sandwich, and was sneezing before I could start the second half. I saved that half for a snack and ate it in the mid afternoon. So - I am not sure if it's a version of a placebo effect (I am such a cynic) or it's really working, but I am getting my full signals earlier. The sneeze response is involuntary, so I treat it as a better indicator that I am not just lying to myself that I am full.
I am discovering that a number of people - mostly women - who write blogs here use some kind of shot to lose weight. I am not sure what this is - I would be interested in looking into that - like if it works on men, what the side effects are, etc.
Morning 2 of NOT walking my dogs. I woke up with a near migraine that is still affecting me. It's an excuse, I know. But I really couldn't enjoy the walk.
We are nearly done preparing for the carpet install next week. Nancy wants to paint a bunch of rooms before that happens, so it looks like a week of my very favorite activity - painting. I have decided that I am going to keep my mouth completely shut about how little I like it, because, well, if Nancy does it without my help, it will further drive a barrier between us. And the more cooperative I am, the faster it will get done.
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